Meet beautiful surro mom, Valerie. I asked her to weigh in with her answers on some of the most common questions surrogate mother’s get asked. I really appreciated her candor and transparency — and I think you will agree with me! She is happy to give helpful tips and advice to mommies looking to take this step for themselves. You can follow the journey she documented on instagram under the handle: @thisismysurrojourney. Enjoy! XO, Megan
1.) What has been your favorite part of being a surrogate mom so far? My favorite part would be the very unique connection I have with my sweet surro baby. It’s not like anything I’ve ever felt which makes it very special. I love her but not like my own, so there was never any heartbreak sending her home with her parents.
2.) Are you worried about having to give up the baby? This was probably one of the most frequently asked questions I was asked during my journey. No, I never felt this way. This pregnancy was so different emotionally than my own. I like to say I went into it with my eyes wide open. I knew she was never my baby, I never planned a future with her as my child, I didn’t name her or put together a nursery. I was constantly motivated by the fact that I was helping to build someone else family. She was never mine to give up. I was however very aware that with birthing a baby comes a lot of hormones so I was concerned about how I would feel after delivery becauseI had never delivered a baby and then went home without one.
3.) How do you handle comments from strangers or other people that think surrogacy is weird? I’ve never had anyone say it was weird. But I did have some people very close to me as well as strangers who didn’t feel that Surrogacy was biblical and told me I shouldn’t do it. But my husband And I prayed about it every step of the way and felt confident that God was leading us to this.
4.) How did you explain you were going to be a surrogate to your kid(s) and what was their reaction? I was very honest and explained to them what we were doing, I say “we” because this was a journey for our whole family, sacrifices were made by all of us not just myself. Kids are so open and accepting. My daughter was proud that we were going to help someone have a baby that wasn’t able to have one themselves. We also read them a book called “The Kangaroo Pouch” which helps put surrogacy into terms a child can understand.
5.) What was the most surprising thing about being a surro mom? Anything you wish you knew beforehand? I wish I knew that there would be so many roadblocks in our journey. I was pretty naive going into it expecting to just get pregnant right away. It took 3 rounds of meds, 2 canceled cycles, switching doctors, having a surgery and lots of tears before we finally got pregnant. It seems we were the exception in many areas of our journey.
6.) Any tips for helping get a husband/ partner okay with the idea? What helped to put their mind at ease? When I first brought it up to my husband he wasn’t excited about it. He had a lot of questions and concerns but he could see my passion for it so he was always open. We talked and prayed about it and didn’t rush into anything. Most of his concerns were put at ease after I answered a lot of his questions.
7.) Okay, I know we aren’t supposed to ask about the money, but are you getting paid a lot!?! How has the money helped your family? This is another question I was asked frequently and usually not in so nice a manner. The truth is, I knew you got paid for surrogacy but I never knew how much and didn’t ask before pursuing my journey because that was not a motivating factor for me.
8.) What has been the most awkward thing so far? The most awkward thing for me in this journey was the process of building a relationship with the Intended parents. I feel like this was definitely unique to me because I’ve never heard of anyone else having this issue with their Intended parents. I thought they would be so happy I was helping them that we would bond right away and have this amazing relationship. That was definitely not the case. I struggled a lot with feeling angry because “they should be more appreciative of me” “they don’t seem to care” and then flip flopping to feeling guilty for being upset because “I have no clue what’s its like to be in their shoes” “I’ve never lost a child” “I’m so lucky to be able to get pregnant” It was a roller coaster of emotions the whole journey. We really didn’t connect until a couple weeks before giving birth and after.
9.) Any advice you would give for moms thinking about becoming surro mommies? Do your research and be aware of how long this journey can really take. It took 2 years for us and was a huge sacrifice for my husband and children as well as physically taxing on myself. Just because you are fertile doesn’t mean you will get pregnant quickly. IVF is a whole different process and your body may not respond to the medication. 100% be sure your partner is on board and ready for anything to happen.
Click HERE to find Valerie on instagram and connect! If you are interested in learning more about becoming a surrogate yourself, please take this quick 5-minute quiz to see if you qualify. We look forward to hearing from you!